This is like the last public entry I made as I have now gone private (friends only)

Thankyou for your time

I can't believe I sat through this entire film! It was about a Red Neck lifestyle and involved three acts of violence towards cats, seriously I couldn't bear it. Chop somebody's head off, have sex with a corpse but anything to do with cats.. no I just can't take it. It's called Gummo incase you're curious



Grim. So grim.

I also feel sad over something but its not my business so won't say :(

I'm sorry I haven't given a review of Dublin yet, I just don't know why I couldn't push myself to do it. But I enjoyed myself so much. If it wasn't for all the amazing people I met and Muse what would have been the point? It kind made me feel at ease, yes all that tension and "beef" as we call it gets too much at times but really theres not that much wrong with it. I'm not sure if I should stay away or not. Once I have work to be doing and a job (which is top of the bill at the moment) then maybe I will. I've moved back to Derby now and I've been a bit silly today. When I was here so was Andy for a lot of the time and it feels like he should be here and he isn't :( it just made me feel sad I haven't been feeling hungry at all (yesterday I had constipation sorry for the TMI) so I just stayed in bed mainly. But I did go in town and sort out my bank accounnt and standing order so I can pay my rent, uber confusing. But yes I really need to print CVs off and start asking around, there is so many places here in Derby and not all the students are back yet so I need to get in there.

 But yeah I was supposed to go to V Festival this weekend and I'm kind of glad I didn't I have a strong feeling I would not have liked it at all. Just all that mud, mainly on my own trying to find people and a whole wankery of bands I just don't like. I know commercialism isn't my thing but it's not really by choice. Muse still rock my boat, Dead Star and Space Dementia were highly welcomed by me, I screamed as loud as I could and probably broke Andy's eardrum. And Chris on the harmonica is one of the most enchanting eye opening things I have ever seen. It led up to an amazing perfomance of Knights. So my love for them is still strong but yeah just because I like a commercial band doesn;'t mean I should love other commercial bands. Next year I want to make it to a foreign festival. I want to start seeing bands abroad more. Will update more soon xx

I'm growing extremely impatient here! Phoning taxi at two! To the airport! So I can go to Dublin! I've printed out various maps, Andy and I plan to go to Stephen's Green tomorrow before the gig. And I've now packed my bag. I only really have underwear, a spare top and a hoody besides the clothes I'm wearing along with make-up, toothbrush etc.. Don't think I need much to be honest. I cut up the David T cake so it doesn't get squashed I ate some earlier but it made me feel a bit ill so I made a nice cheese & gherkin sandwich for time to pass and it wasn't even 1pm yet! I've recieved various forms of birthday wishes, texts, birthday cards, phone calls, facebook posts and forum posts. So that has been nice. But I don't really feel 21 I mean how are you supposed to know what it feels like before you've even really experienced it? Ah well. Getting excited now hurry up 2pm please!

David Tennant in my tummy.

At everyone complaining about the board. We're such junkies aren't we? I actually joined about 5 new forums last week and only one has activated my account so that is my plan gone down the drain! It's an Alan Rickman forum and they're so serious about talking about his films rather than just talking casually. And they are films I haven't seen. Two new ones (Bottle Shock and Nobel Son) and The Search For John Gissing which has finally been released on DVD apparantly but I can't find it fucking anywhere.

Anyway so I saw The Dark Knight finally. I just want to clarify I was always interested in seeing it. It was just after I returned from America far too many people were sporting Joker Avatars/Sigs and it was like David Tennant had been locked inside a trunk and thrown into the muse dungeon. It was just a bit off putting but yeah that's what hype does I guess. Anyway my thoughts on the film. For a few years now I've avoided films of this genre and I find them difficult to get back into. So the only thing propping me up like two invisible pegs on a washing line was the Joker's performance which was nicely spread out during the film. I thought Heath Ledger did an amazing job and his performance was throwing around with your emotions. He was creating a dangerous cake mix of humour and fear together, I really liked it how his psychotic humour was somehow amusing. But that's what most movie villains are like and he was perfect. I also thought Harvey's performance after half his face got burnt up was also deliciously psychotic. So I enjoyed those parts of the films. The rest was a bit grainy and I kind of just got bored especially as it dragged on a bit. Christian Bale is an actor I cannot enjoy. I don't like his voice, the way it acts it just doesn't rub off on me well I'm not quite sure what it is.  I felt the same watching American Psycho which I thought would have been a brilliant film if I wasn't continuously wincing watching Bale. So yes I can see the film's popularity I'd give it 7/10 if we're rating.

I also did not like the service in KFC today. My mum fancied some food so we quickly popped in. She ordered what she wanted and before either me or my dad could request what we want the lady serving us butted in and said with a frown on her face "Are you having chicken?" I forgot about manners and such and said very slowly and patronisingly.. "Yeeeees" And she goes "Well you should all have the variety bucket THEN!" My mum was disgusted with her behaviour and it really bugged me. I had not come in for some woman to order me to have something I didn't initally want to order. How fucking rude I thought it was not the right way to approach customers at all and I sat there eating my chips scowling at her.

1. Florida, USA
2. Belgium
3. Dublin

Two down one to go. And of course after three days of travelling I've spent all day doing nothing really. I went to the bank earlier to have a look at my statement.. thank goodness the Gas bill hasn't been paid out yet unless it's been posted to me and I have to pay it later in the year. I really didn't get it to be honest I'm going to phone them when I get back. PayPal also paid a generous deposit of 9p. I can't withdraw Abbey's payment yet, I sold my V Festival ticket to her so once I can I can feel a bit on the safe side again. I'm glad I can listen to my head sometimes but then again my heart wasn't wholly fond on the idea either. So I'm heading back to Derby on the 17th so no rushed packing. I love that little room and wondering around the streets so I'm looking forward to going back but also to Dublin as well. I think I'm getting a bit of a soft spot for Belgium, I grew up with regular holidays to Switzerland, they aren't majorly different countries to be honest, the French part especially just minus the mountains. I really liked driving around from the passenger seat, though the freak storm kind of restricted us a bit. I'm also not happy, nobody warned me of the beasties flying around the Belgian air. I was nommed by several bugs and have many bites running up my left arm over my shoulder and onto my back. Itch fest. I rubbed some Insect Reppellent wipes on them I found in the medicine cabient but I regretted it straight away as it smelt a bit like cabbage.

Not sure what else to talk about, I can think of a few things but would render them inappropiate and maybe should save them for another time. I think far too many things to write down at once so this will do.

I'm starting to get lazy with this now. Well I am briefly going to write about the gig last night at Electric Ballroom. People in the gothic scene, mostly the females, make such an effort to dress up, really I don't know how they do it I couldn't have the patience to do it myself. Amy, Laura and I were among the more dressed down ones but of course who cares about that? It's quite a well hidden venue, quite roomy. The first support act were already playing by the time we entered the stage area (which took a while). They were very good it was hard to not start dancing, they had two drummers which made the music even catchier. The second act were a bit odd. Well the female of the band was at any rate. I think she had been copying a few others and was drowning out the music with stupid poses with a water bottle, spitting water out on people and was sporting tit tape and Combichrist hot pants. It wasn't a pretty sight and I just wanted her to leave the stage to be honest. Then Combichrist came on, I was surprised how bloody excited Laura was, was not expecting her to like this kind of music. "As long as it makes a good rave!" She says. Well this is what you'll get with Combichrist, it really isn't music to stand there and take it in as you close your eyes. They played a very good setlist. Despite not owning an album of theirs I own about 20 of their songs and thats good enough for knowing what they are playing. I recall them playing:

Shut up and Swallow
This is my rifle
Today I woke to the rain of blood
Play Dead
Without Emotions (Much to my and Amy's delight)
Get your body beat (Much to Laura's delight)
Blut Royale
Are you connected?
Possibly Bulletfuck
Two new songs
And they ended with This Shit will Fuck you Up (much to everyone's delight)

We got them to come back on after the encore, some guy next to us started off a chant. Most people were dancing and despite it being full I was surprised how much room there was. Quite strange. I loved Andy's Thrilleresque moves with a cheeky grin on his face. Very ironically cute. I'm so glad I went because I've never been to a gig like this before and it's always worth the experience. I really did love it a lot. The downside was that I wore Doc Martens and they gave me nasty blisters. The plaster has torn a few hairs out I kept yelping as I went down the stairs.

I'm also going to Belgium tomorrow. I booked a taxi for 5.20am. I'm still up and haven't packed. I hate packing. So much. My mum has given me her little hand luggage suitcase thing so I'll be wheeling that along. I have too much stuff for Andy which just won't fit in my back pack. I'm looking forward  to it though.  Bring some nice chocolate back, these American Musketeer bars are quite disgusting *throws in bin*

I think it's time I went back on medication. Dr Beary seemed mildly surprised when I told him I was taking two of the Triflu-watsits instead of three a day. So imagine his reaction if I were to stop suddenly. As well as the anti depressants which I stupidly forgot to take the prescription to the chemist and now have no clue where it is so now I only have a few left. I really shouldn't do this to myself it is important I keep taking these at least I can be a resvered, steady person, in a sense, like I should be rather than one who feels like they've gone on a mad spin and could at any moment loose control and have unpredictable bursts of unexpectant personality. I definately can't blame jet lag for this. I think I'm getting worried so I need to act now and see my doctor in Derby, tell them about my track record, give my Psychiatrist's details and ask politely for a prescription of Fluoxetine.

Tomorrow I'm going out with my mother and family friend Nigel, never mentioned him have I? Rather mental bloke, totally sane though. We're going to Pizza Express tomorrow where my sister works so dunno what shenanigans will happen there and then I'm going to ask to be dropped into town so I can buy a tie. Yes a tie. I want it for my outfit for Combichrist. Yes Combichrist. I think my friend Laura is going, I didn't know she liked that kind of thing but ever since Sophie took her to the Coven she's found anything like that groovy.

Feel sick now and feel like I need to talk to somebody and the only person (in real life) other than Andy who I tell a lot about myself is Phil but he doesn't work in August so I have no clue how I am going to see him, a bit to anxious to phone him and oh I dunno. Getting confused again needed to write something xxx

1. Florida, USA
2. Belgium
3. Dublin
One down two to go.  The return flight back was a lot quicker than I remember it being. I must have fallen asleep at some point but I had convinced myself that I couldn't for the life of me sleep on an aeroplane in that cramped atmosphere with flight attendants shoving food under your nose every few minutes. But I must have done because I only watched one film this time and the rest of the flight seemed to zoom by. The way there I watched three films and four different tv programmes. Having been up over 24 hours I got terribly jet lagged yesterday afternoon when I decided to have a rest and my tummy bug seem to play up even more so I felt dreadful. But I managed to sneak in a solid twelve hour sleep, I thought I'd feel a bit more chipper but I still feel like I've been catapulted into space and landed somewhere I don't recognise and have recieved some brain damage. I feel like I'm getting pissed off over certain things I didn't before.

But the holiday was enjoyable, most of the time, we mainly alternated between shopping, theme parks and visits to the beach. There was a lot of tackling a dreadfully humid climate and then spouts of thunderstorms, which were terrific to watch if you were at a certain height. I have 80 Dollars left which I myself think is impressive, I mainly spent my money on clothes, quite a lot actually but not all for myself. I had to go for the more zany choices such as a vibrant yellow Homer simpson shirt and a spoofy "Hairy Otter" shirt. Now I need some Euros.

I also did a lot of thinking, about my future, about an alternative life, about a fictional character I might one day base a story on. I read a book "A Spot of Bother" by Mark Hadden which was rather dissapointing compared to "A Curious Incident of the dog in the night time" the writing skills, which I don't know much about, I thought were kind of shoddy. Ok, simple is nice, but using "and" too much and describing an incident in a few words gets a bit tedious. It was also a bit depressing but I did despite this fact find it interesting and I finished it all. Which doesn't often happen.

I'm losing energy again and I'm not sure if the jet lag is too blame. I think I am growing impatient. The Half-Blood Prince trailer was somewhat impressive, I think I will enjoy certain scenes of this film but will have difficulty appreciating it as a whole which is not unsual when it comes to Harry Potter films. Anyway may get back to some reading and/or day dreaming. The computer's buzzing noise is doing my head in

I thought I would write about the Interpol gig last night. This is the second time I have seen them and their performance was just as good as the last time which was in Blackpool Empress Ballroom and last night at Sheffield's Carling Academy which was an impressive venue, much better than the one in Islington and not too different from Rock City in Nottingham. Anyway, Andy and I found a position near the front when Ladytron came on stage. I would have probably enjoyed them more if a group of girls infront of me would have STOPPED talking and even so much as faced the stage.. so rude. Their music sounded good but I thought the vocals ruined it a bit as they kind of sounded drowned away and it especially ruined Destroy Everything You Touch for me. Ghosts sounded good though. Time for Interpol to come on stage and this time they were accompanied by a big screen projecting melancholy graphics which fitted nicely with the music. The setlist is as follows...

Pioneer To The Falls
Slow Hands
PDA
Narc
C'Mere
Hands Away
The Lighthouse
Not Even Jail
Mammoth
Rest My Chemistry
Evil
Obstacle 1
Roland

NYC
The Heinrich Maneuver
Obstacle 2

Not a very lengthy setlist but it is basically their hits with a few extras from the three albums, Our Love to Admire not being too overpowering. Afterwards when I tried to grab a setlist I noticed at the bottom Stella was written so I don't know why they cut that out because I really like that song so that was a bit of a disappointment but apart from that, crazy crowd, great performance from the guys, was glad to be on Daniel's side this time as he is much more of an entertainer than Carlos is who just struts for most of the time whereas Daniel tends to move around like he has had the jelly-legs jinx cast on him. They all looked very swish (of course, they're Interpol duh). Another gripe was after more or less every song a girl, with a very horrible screechy voice would shout out "KESLEEEEEER" to make it even annoying she was standing on Carlos's side. Would think she would have a bit more sense. But yeah, Interpol will always remain my favourite Indie band, great melodies, beautiful inspiring lyrics and four very well dressed good looking men. Even if Carlos does look like a skinny version Jaoquin Pheonix and Crispin Glover mash up.

Right so I finally managed to upload three videos that Phil (Media Tech) copied for me that I experimented with during my editing suite days.. I also filmed all of them as well, the third one was a collaboration with a small group of us. I'm sorry if they don't load they usually just appear as an empty square if this has happened you'll just see a link but I've added descriptions of the video please watch them if you so wish and comment :)










Hope you like at least one of them. And now for something different...

Put your music player on shuffle, write down the first ten songs that pop up, and then answer the questions.

I have now moved to Derby, we finally have the internet and Andy is coming tomorrow! I am very happy. I am pleased where we live it is a nice little location slightly tucked away from the city centre which is a five minute walk away and it took me approximately fifteen minutes to walk to my University Campus. There are also tonnes of restaurants round here just opposite there is a Sushi restuarant, amazing. Speaking of restaurants my parents and I chose to eat at Wokmania on Saturday night. We found it a bit odd that it was located inside of a church, not like a modern building church but a traditional medieval-esque church, the atmosphere was amazing, munching on noodles whilst gazing up at stained glass windows, orante paintings of Jesus and the disciples and beautiful crafted pillars. What a great idea, not only that but they had plasma screens showing Takeshi's Castle. I'm surprised what you can get away with in a church these days.
Anyway my bedroom is the smallest on the ground floor looking over a rather small yet crowded pub so sometimes you can hear the music blasting out but right now it isn't a problem as I can't hear it over my own music. My flatmates and I have so far had to deal with a blocked toilet in which we went on a mission to find a plunger, finally finding a gigantic one in Pound Land. We have also had discussions on bills and such, I have been appointed in charge of Gas. I'm a bit wary about this mainly because of the finance but also because I feel like its a bit of a big weight of responsibility but obviously can't doubt that too much as I've made the decision of living inside a house so tomorrow I am going to phone Npower and say we want joined Electricity and Gas because apprantly that way it is cheaper. Then we had the fiasco of trying to sort out the internet, two hours was spent phoning up Virgin Media various times, fiddling with the modem and the router which turned out to be a different one to what we needed so we rushed out of the house (I had just cooked dinner so stuffed it down) to Comet where we bought one for £39.99. I just gave my friend a tenner. Turns out I owe her altogether £15 *faints* Gonna be so skint after my holiday. I'm a bit higgeldy piggeldy getting my words in a twist I can't use a keyboard, help!

Yes well several things to jot down.

Firstly..
I have just about cleared the floor of clothes and other bits and bobs. Have dug out the massive blue holdal bag that was hidden under my bed and full of junk. Cleared the majority of junk ready to put other things in it. I've also put some clothes in another bag so I'm pretty confident by Friday evening it will be all done and I won't have my mum breathing down my neck... but I'm sure she'll find a moment.

Secondly..
As I've been a bit concerned about my weight lately which doesn't usually happen, I decided to try my best to quit snacking. Lately I just eat an apple and then a lunch snack then my evening meal but I weighed myself just a few minutes ago and I am 12 stone! Ridiculous! I've put on two pounds in like two weeks? Wah. Ok usually I'm like 11 and a half so surely it can't be THAT hard to knock about 7 pounds off?? Being tall helps yes so it isn't too obvious but I've gone up a bra size as well which makes me feel big. Got myself measured yesterday in Marks & Spencers, 38D. And my mother then proceeded in buying me four bras :/ Sorry for the whinging

Thirdly..
I'm getting a bit curious lately. Like.. in a  "Oooh, that looks different and exciting I wish I had the opportunites and preferbly the confidence to be that experimental" kind of way. Because I'm always curious but yes I know my mind is far from pure but sometimes I wish I could crack a little bit. I think it was my upbringing which made me a tiny bit oblivious to some things but yes I thought about sex a lot when I was young amongst other "dark and naughty" things which would be frowned upon in a Christian community. I think a lot of people just seem to talk about sexual things and it kind of eggs me on. I don't want to be too specific incase I come across as a pervert or something. But I was looking at a rather hardcore bondage site earlier and even though some of the images were disturbing I was highly fascinated by them. I quite like curiosity as a sort of emotion. I'll refrain from posting images.

Fourthy...
My internet is being a motherfucker again. It was about two weeks or so ago that it kept cutting out after every two minutes or so and it has just done that in the last two hours or something. I haven't used it much but my mother kept complaining when she was on the Tesco website trying to get the shopping done. Well Last.fm hasn't loaded so I'm guessing it has cut out whilst I was typing this and that I am now going to have to go to the study to reset the bloody thing so I can post this entry.

Fifthly..
No fifthly but I thought it would round my post of nicely.

Does everyone go through this or is it just us good intentive listeners that get it? A real gripe of mine is when people, by which I mean people who I consider as friends and talk a lot with slag others off who happen to be people I like, get on with and also talk with. Sometimes it gets so bad that it happens whilst I'm talking to the other person at the same time and even get four people doing it to me at the same time. So infuriating I hate feeling like I'm caught in the middle. Yeah some people have their down sides but when people slag them off it makes me uncomfortable and I feel like it's an influence to talk about that person's bad side which isn't fair at all because I feel no need to slag them off. Happens a lot I feel like an agony aunt sometimes.

Anyway, I've done about 4 attempts at a video blog and they're all rubbish. Somebody give me a topic to talk about please. OK GO get get get over it hey.

gemsybobsy gave me the letter...

I
I'mmortal- Skinny Puppy
I decided to avoid the live versions, as brilliant as they are maybe you don't want to watch some bloke covered in fake blood ripping down a canvas. But I think this song is one of their catchiest, not of Mythmaker album but good all the same.

I am Chromosone- Martin Grech
This man is so talented and he has such a beautiful haunting voice. This is one of his more vibrant, eccentric songs with lots of energy and weird twists and turns, a brilliant song.

I feel You- Depeche Mode
This was my favourite Depeche Mode song at some point, but not so much anymore. Mainly because of the feel good melodies and the video is extremely hot. This is a live version from their brilliant devotional tour.

I live your dream- Project Pitchfork
Very bizarre video, I hope you watch it just for the entertainment. A very influential band to rise from Germany, this is also a favourite of mine but I enjoy most of their songs, there is just something about them that is addictive and make them a satisfactory listen.

Idioteque- Radiohead
Ok yeah, kind of predictable this one. But decided to slip this one in seeing as I saw them live this week and that this song is actually from my favourite album of theirs so why not?

Might try out a Video Blog later, lawlz

I suppose this has to be done. Now I've liked Radiohead as long I have liked Muse but have course, Muse have captured my attention far more and have taken up a lot of my time with ponderings and many endless discussions. But I do love Radiohead's music, being a Muse fan I've had to battle with many tedious comparisons but I still find them completely different bands. And now I have seen both of them live I can comfirm that. I'm not sure how to define who is better, infact trying to define the word "better" confuddles me even more. Now I know I have seen Muse 7 times, will be 9 come August but the Radiohead experience was delightful. Maybe it was the venue, open space, casual laid back atmosphere, plenty of room to move about. With Muse there always seems to be a bit of tension. Maybe it's because most people have too high expectations. With Radiohead I was curious what kind of setlist we will get because I'm not an album person but I have listened to five of their albums so I know their most liked songs as well as their hits like The National Anthem, Climbing up the walls etc.. but this setlist was nicely laid out it seemed to have a bit of everything for everyone. Muse's setlists aren't like that. But then again their vibe is completely different. It is very hard to explain. But I am never going to say this gig was better than Muse, because I like Muse more and I would rather see them live but I'm not denying Radiohead are incredible live because they really are! Their performance was sophisticated and Thom's voice is so powefully emotional, I loved it so much, definately a strong point. I'm going to stop rambling now and post the setlist and a picture of Thom, there is something adorable about him...

01. Reckoner
02. 15 Step
03. There There
04. All I Need
05. Lucky
06. Nude
07. Weird Fishes/Arpeggi
08. Myxomatosis
09. The National Anthem
10. Faust Arp
11. No Suprises
12. Jigsaw Falling Into Place
13. Optimistic
14. Videotape
15. Everything In It's Right Place
16. Idioteque
17. Bodysnatchers
Encore 1:
18. House of Cards
19. The Bends
20. Bangers & Mash
21. My Iron Lung
22. Karma Police
Encore 2:
23. Go Slowly
24. 2+2=5
25. Paranoid Android

For crying out loud. I got up this morning and blinked several times staring at my bedroom floor. The carpert seems to have regurgitated yet more clothes and other bits and bobs, lying all over the place. Right, I thought, I better get my arse in gear and do something about it, give my mum something to be pleased about. BUT... of course I went online and got 1 Notification on the Muse Board. An invitation to a "Ravenclaw Clique." People really are a bad influence on me.. I have just wasted several hours discussing house pride and taking sorting house tests, this is clearly the best one on the net, I hate questions like "You find a wallet on the floor..etc" This one is thorough and accurate. Anyway I've taken it twice and both times have got this result:

I ate my lunch IN MY PYJAMAS and am still sitting here undressed and it is 15:22. AAARGGGGHH. So very annoying. Stupid bedroom. I need a shower now. I'll do some cleaning with Deal or No Deal on in the background. I really need lifes naw plz.

Christine/monkeyinair, gave me a HP FanFiction to read. Now, having some many years ago now experienced amateur roleplay on a site such as Neopets, I know exactly how terrible people's writing skills can get and they try to use their imagination but it is about as imaginative as a floppy haddock. Plus their logic does not fit within the world of Harry Potter at ALL. Here is a sneak peak:


Oh my. Must have taken some thought to come up with that. It really is amusing here is a link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2828044/1/My_Immortal

They're even vampiric satanist goths and go to a Good Charlotte concert, oh the lolarity. I am amused for this morning. I have my Polish Chocolate Flavoured Chips keeping my stomach company as well. Tonight I see my friend Rachel, not the one I go swimming with, little Rachel who is five years younger than me but she is such a darling we get on so well. I look very forward to that. Happy weekend xx

Ok lately I've spent a lot of moneys... getting to London on Thursday was terribly expensive plus spending money there then the whole weekend.. that club is a fiver to get in, ridiculous. Anyway despite this problem I bought three items of clothing on Ebay, all bargains mind but the postage is all around £3 so in reality I spent about £12 altogether which is not bad but still quite a lot to lose.



BUT! I got £20 from my grandparents on Sunday (they made a deal that if I hadn't got a job they would pay me this amount once a month which is a nice offer I guess but hopefully that will be the last as I really need a job in Derby), I get paid £40 tomorrow which is part of my mum's allowance thing and I paid in Emma's cheque for the Radiohead ticket today so that should boost up my account by £110. So I'm not feeling too bad about it.

Lately I have also been getting into 80s music, mainly from the gothic generation but even though they aren't strictly speaking an 80s band I've found a soft spot for The Cruxshadows. They look amazing live so I got all excited when I found out they are playing London on the 10th August. That would be so good. I'll have to talk to my friend about it. Seeing as You Tube will never work here is a photo of them instead: